Сентябрь 12th, 2006

Размышление

          …И вот, когда мой мир сжался до ощущения физического тела, и оборвалась связь с единой системой, я потерял сознание и умер.
          Я возвращался к жизни постепенно. Все, что было накоплено моей душой от начала ее сотворения и до конечной ступени удаления от Сотворившего ее, превратилось и стало потенциальной энергией в закрученой и сжатой до состояния черной точки пружине грядущих событий.. И самой удаленной и неощущаемой была эта точка - желание вернуться к своему начальному существованию – когда я весь находился в Нем и был его неотделимой частичкой.
          В таком состоянии я появился в этом мире впервые. Это было начало раскручивания спирали моих желаний - моей души. Я рождался, умирал и рождался снова и не понимал что со мной происходит – всякий раз я совершенно забывал свои предыдущие воплощения и жил, и умирал, словно впервые.
          Каждый раз, рождаясь заново, я открывал для себя новый мир и искал, искал наслаждений и услады для своей души. И каждый раз кто-то заботливо готовил для меня и наслаждения, и тех, кто наслаждал мои неутолимые желания, какими бы они не были: низкими или возвышенными, грубыми или утонченными – ведь не было разницы между ними, все они были только желаниями животного. А я наслаждался и верил, что только для этого и пришел в этот мир. Но в конце каждой моей новой жизни  осознавал, что это была всего лишь искра, которой пришло время угаснуть. И тогда я понимал, что все, что было предметом моих вожделений, теперь потеряло всякое значение. И только тогда возникал во мне этот вечный вопрос «В чем был смысл моей жизни?».
          Я приходил в меняющийся мир и брал от него все, что требовали мои растущие желания. Менялись законы и они требовали, чтобы я возмещал, взятое мною. И я был согласен и отдавал, но видел, что мир не может насытиться и тогда пришло понимание, что он не насытиться никогда. И я стал бояться за себя и своих близких, потому что те, кого я пытался насытить, хотели все большего и родилась в них ненависть ко мне. Они ненавидели меня за то, что я необдуманно разжег в них желания, но нет у меня возможности заполнить их.
          И когда я был на грани уничтожения и воззвал в пустоту о помощи, проснулась во мне та самая черная точка и разбудила во мне желание понять «В чем смысл жизни?». И это случилось со мной, когда жизнь еще бушевала во мне в полную силу и я хотел и искал наслаждений.
          Теперь я не мог жить, как прежде. И пытался найти тех, кто мог объяснить что со мной происходит и что мне делать. Мне советовали убить свои желания и тогда мне будет спокойно. Тогда поймут мои враги, что если нет во мне желаний и я не заполняю их, то как смогу я заполнить их желания, чем?
          Я не смог сделать этого, желания были сильнее меня. И снова я был в отчаянии и снова кричал в пустоту. И отозвался Он, тот, кто создал все мои желания.
          И я узнал, что я не одинок в этом мире и соединился с теми, кто также искал,        «В чем смысл жизни?». Но я не понимал, зачем они мне? Это Я – Его частичка, это Я – Единственное и неповторимое творение, это во Мне живет целый мир. Я относился к ним с недоверием и они отвечали мне тем же. Мы еще ничего не понимали.
          Как я был глуп, когда хотел заполнить желания всего мира. Все оказалось совершенно по – другому.
          Мир вырос и требовал других желаний, а я все пытался насытить его животный уровень. Мир хотел подняться на уровень человеческих наслаждений, он требовал от меня желаний духовных, а они были во мне только черной неощутимой точкой.
          Только потом, после многократных попыток понять, почему оказался я среди этих людей, ищущих смысл жизни, пришло осознание. Нас не существует поодиночке. Мы – одно единственное цельное творение. Каждый из нас потерял связь с остальными частичками и стал заботиться только о себе. И ослабла наша общая душа и не может в полной мере давать нам ощущение бесконечного наслаждения. И мир наш все более жесток, потому что не можем мы заполнить наши желания.
          Как неизменны законы мироздания, так неизменно Его отношение к нам. Он отмеряет нам в той  мере, в которой мы подобны единственному творению, созданному Им. А кроме одной обшей души, частичками которой мы являемся, Он ничего не создавал. И в той мере, в которой мы превратим разбитые желания, живущие в каждой частичке, в желание подняться над животным уровнем нашего мира и слиться в едином устремлении -  соединиться вновь в единую душу, в этой мере немедленно ощутим полное бесконечное наполнение – наслаждение.

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